What can bring us past this knowledge, so that you will never wish our life undone? For if ever you wish it so, then I must wish so too, and lovers yet unborn, whom we are reaching toward with love, will turn to this page, and find it blank.
Singed foliage from a time machine in the Ozarks. The rain tarp over an experimental anniversary gift. The ventriloquist’s hand, in the dressing room, after An intense set.
A porcelain bowl of discarded hearing aids. Haunted guano by an Irish bat on historic rubble. An open cold-cream jar on the midday windowsill at the K-spa Reminded me of ox red quartz in the showy plaza of a blood cell.
A Gene Clark cassette sandwiched in the Mazda seats. The X-ray of a complicated handshake. Wrestling trading cards drizzled with King Cobra. A piñata of a corncob pipe filled with baby corncob pipes.
Much later, stink lines from a bog within meters of a crayon Factory, its consistency like that of a child’s brain.
Marc says the suffering that we don’t see still makes a sort of sound — a subtle, soft noise, nothing like the cries or screams that we might think of — more the slight scrape of a hat doffed by a quiet man, ignored as he stands back to let a lovely woman pass, her dress just brushing his coat. Or else it’s like a crack in an old foundation, slowly widening, the stress and slippage going on unnoticed by the family upstairs, the daughter leaving for a date, her mother’s resigned sigh when she sees her. It’s like the heaving of a stone into a lake, before it drops. It’s shy, it’s barely there. It never stops.
What the children remember about Uncle Jim is that on the train to Reno to get divorced so he could marry again he met another woman and woke up in California. It took him seven years to untangle that dream but a man who could sing like Uncle Jim was bound to get in scrapes now and then: he expected it and we expected it.
Mother said, It’s because he was the middle child, and Father said, Yeah, where there’s trouble Jim’s in the middle.
When he lost his voice he lost all of it to the surgeon’s knife and refused the voice box they wanted to insert. In fact he refused almost everything. Look, they said, it’s up to you. How many years do you want to live? and Uncle Jim held up one finger. The middle one.
It was dark I was drunk Probably already stoned Didn’t need another hit Like I said: Dark, Drunk, Stoned Picked up what I thought was dried bud But certainly it could well have been an insect Felt the same packed into the pipe A fly a wasp a moth a midge In any event properly ignited Set on fire and sucked up Thought it was some dead leaves A thorn a thistle an incandescent straw Tasted like holy hemp Could have been anything maybe even a spider Accented by a gooey pipe residue No use scraping the screen for a corpse Medicinal moss fern fungus mold Husk larvae seed pupae pulp algae Bong fodder clogging up the old windpipe Although upon reflection maybe it was a spider Illuminated by flame as it danced within a blaze Inter-digitating 8 legged arachnid-like Bosa Nova Quick Step Samba Paso Doble Slowly stimulated by heat Quickly reduced to ash Yes I may well have smoked a spider Or some such sentient being Animal vegetable mineral stone paper scissors Following the long legged blond Straight down the rabbit hole Gobbled up by obligatory prescriptions Unexpected tax refunds Highways lined with salad bars And the fumes of flesh Casting clouds of doubt Upon preconceived notions About the allegedly vast differences Between the plant and animal kingdoms Ultimately satisfying and oh so smooth Got high while an insect did its last heel and toe Got me thinking maybe it’s the next big buzz As yes I guess I actually smoked a spider.
It died in its sleep, dreaming of grass, its knives silent and still, dreaming too, its handlebars a stern, abbreviated cross in tall weeds. Where is he whom it served so well? Its work has come to nothing, the dead keep to themselves.