Here with a special edition of the Colbert report, Stephen Colbert.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, Ive been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.S out front, could you please move them. They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.S and they need to get out.

Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents Dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like Im dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, Im a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. Will be right over with a cocktail. Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps,

Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and its my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He’s not so different, he and I. We get it. Were not brain backs on the nerd patrol. Were not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? Thats where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say ‘I did look it up, and that’s not true.’ That’s because you looked it up in a book. Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that’s how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert report, I speak straight from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term.

I’m a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit. In fact, Ambassador [name]: welcome. Your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it’s a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe its yogurt. But I refuse to believe its not butter. Most of all I believe in this president.

Now, I know theres some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we dont pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality. And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass its important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means its 2/3 empty. Theres still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldnt drink it.

The last third is usually backwash. Folks, my point is that I dont believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback.

I mean, its like the movie Rocky. The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. Its the 10th round. Hes bloodied, his corner man, Mick, who in this case would be the Vice President, and he’s yelling ‘Cut me, Dick, cut me,’ and everytime he falls, she says stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky he gets back up and in the end he…actually loses in the first movie. Okay. It doesn’t matter. The point is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing? Think about it. I haven’t.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think hes down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He’s trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

And I just like the guy. Hes a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. Shes a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, maam.

I’m sorry, but this reading initiative. Ive never been a fan of books. I dont trust them. They’re all fact, no heart. I mean, theyre elitist telling us what is or isnt true, what did or didnt happen. Whats Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that’s my right as an American. Im with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is hes steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this mans beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the Presidents side and the Vice Presidents side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, theyre superdepressing.

And if thats your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. intelligence, the affect of global warming. We Americans didnt want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, lets review the rules. Heres how it works. The President makes decisions, hes the decider. The Press Secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write theyre just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

Now, its not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be to my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday for you? Ive got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who weve got here tonight. General Mowsly, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys arent retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, Ive got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, dont let them retire. Cmon, weve got a stop loss program, lets use it on these guys. If youre strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Cmon.

Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but hes going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants.

Its like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalias here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir. You look fantastic. How are you?

John McCain is here. John McCain John McCain. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you wasnt a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. Theres no predicting him. So wonderful to see you coming back into the republican fold. I have a summerhouse in South Carolina, look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad youve seen the light.

Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city. Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I would like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. Its a mallomar is what Im describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Desi Arnez. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said. I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Joe Wilsons wife. Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight? Dodged a bullet.

And we cant forget man of the hour, new Press Secretary, Tony Snow. Secret service name, Snow Job. What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Cards children. Mr. President, I wish you hadnt made the decision to quickly, sir. I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary.

I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, Id like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

Via DKOS: [Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference, at which Colbert is completely dismissive of questions he doesnt want to answer, i.e., all of them. He chooses among three buttons Eject, Gannon and Volume to get rid of the offending speaker. But ultimately Helen Thomas causes Colbert to flee in terror from the press conference with her insistence that he answer her question, Why did you really want to go to war [with Iraq]? Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bushs experience in China. He finally finds a way out, and runs frantically down the street and into a parking lot. Helen Thomas pursues Colbert relentlessly. He calls for help on an emergency phone in the parking lot, but the attendant also wants to know why we invaded Iraq. Colbert screams, No!!! Colbert fumbles nervously with his keys, having great difficulty getting into his car. Finally, he gets in, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He looks up and sees – Helen Thomas standing in front of the car! He screams, No!!! Colbert manages to drive away. He then takes the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. His car is waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in. He says, What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home. The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, Buckle up, hon. ITS HELEN THOMAS!!! No!!!]

STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, its been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

(above: Part 1)

(above: Part 2)

(The presentation was 25 minutes total… Missing final part will be added shortly…)

Colbert Lampoons Bush at White House Correspondents Dinner– President Not Amused?

By E&P Staff

Published: April 29, 2006 11:40 PM ET updated Sunday

WASHINGTON
A blistering comedy “tribute” to President Bush by Comedy Central’s faux talk show host Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondent Dinner Saturday night left George and Laura Bush unsmiling at its close.

Earlier, the president had delivered his talk to the 2700 attendees, including many celebrities and top officials, with the help of a Bush impersonator.

Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk show character, who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged the Bush to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”

Colbert told Bush he could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire. He compared Bush to Rocky Balboa in the Rocky movies, always getting punched in the face “and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.”

Turning to the war, he declared, “I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.”

He noted former Ambassador Joseph Wilson in the crowd, just three tables away from Karl Rove, and that he had brought ” Valerie Plame.” Then, worried that he had named her, he corrected himself, as Bush aides might do, “Uh, I mean… he brought Joseph Wilson’s wife.” He might have “dodged the bullet,” he said, as prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald wasn’t there.

Colbert also made biting cracks about missing WMDs, “photo ops” on aircraft carriers and at hurricane disasters, melting glaciers and Vice President Cheney shooting people in the face. He advised the crowd, “if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. will be right over with a cocktail.”

Observing that Bush sticks to his principles, he said, “When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday – no matter what happened Tuesday.”

Also lampooning the press, Colbert complained that he was “surrounded by the liberal media who are destroying this country, except for Fox News. Fox believes in presenting both sides of the story — the president’s side and the vice president’s side.” In another slap at the news channel, he said: “I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the No Fact Zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term.”

He also reflected on the alleged good old days for the president, when the media was still swallowing the WMD story.

Addressing the reporters, he said, “Let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know–fiction.”

He claimed that the Secret Service name for Bush’s new press secretary is “Snow Job.”

Colbert closed his routine with a video fantasy where he gets to be White House Press Secretary, complete with a special “Gannon” button on his podium. By the end, he had to run from Helen Thomas and her questions about why the U.S. really invaded Iraq and killed all those people.

As Colbert walked from the podium, when it was over, the president and First Lady gave him quick nods, unsmiling. The president shook his hand and tapped his elbow, and left immediately.

Those seated near Bush told E&P’s Joe Strupp, who was elsewhere in the room, that Bush had quickly turned from an amused guest to an obviously offended target as Colbert’s comments brought up his low approval ratings and problems in Iraq.

Several veterans of past dinners, who requested anonymity, said the presentation was more directed at attacking the president than in the past. Several said previous hosts, like Jay Leno, equally slammed both the White House and the press corps.

“This was anti-Bush,” said one attendee. “Usually they go back and forth between us and him.” Another noted that Bush quickly turned unhappy. “You could see he stopped smiling about halfway through Colbert,” he reported.

After the gathering, Snow, while nursing a Heineken outside the Chicago Tribune reception, declined to comment on Colbert. “I’m not doing entertainment reviews,” he said. “I thought the president was great, though.”

Strupp, in the crowd during the Colbert routine, had observed that quite a few sitting near him looked a little uncomfortable at times, perhaps feeling the material was a little too biting–or too much speaking “truthiness” to power.

Asked by E&P after it was over if he thought he’d been too harsh, Colbert said, “Not at all.” Was he trying to make a point politically or just get laughs? “Just for laughs,” he said. He said he did not pull any material for being too strong, just for time reasons. (He later said the president told him “good job” when he walked off.)

Helen Thomas told Strupp her segment with Colbert was “just for fun.”

In its report on the affair, USA Today asserted that some in the crowd cracked up over Colbert but others were “bewildered.” Wolf Blitzer of CNN said he thought Colbert was funny and “a little on the edge.”

Earlier, the president had addressed the crowd with a Bush impersonator alongside, with the faux-Bush speaking precisely and the real Bush deliberately mispronouncing words, such as the inevitable “nuclear.” At the close, Bush called the imposter “a fine talent. In fact, he did all my debates with Senator Kerry.” The routine went over well with the crowd — better than did Colbert’s, in fact.

Among attendees at the black tie event: Morgan Fairchild, quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, Justice Antonin Scalia, George Clooney, and Jeff “Skunk” Baxter of the Doobie Brothers–in a kilt.

(poster by darryl norsen, dnorsen at gmail dot com)

From the band: “No Way Out will continue in May with a one-way sunburned trek from Boston to California. This time we’ll be on our own and playing with different bands throughout the trip.”

May 3: NYC at Mercury Lounge w/ Ira Cohen & Sunburned, The Believers, Can’t
May 4: Pittsburgh at Paint & Body
May 5: Cleveland at Inside-Outside Gallery w/ Blck Tygr , Scarcity of Tanks
May 6: Bloomington at Landlocked Records
May 7: Kansas City at Record Bar
May 8: Oklahoma City at Conservatory
May 9: Denton at Rubber Gloves
May 10: Houston at Rudyard’s Pub
May 11: Austin at Emo’s
May 12: off, but looking for a show
May 13: Tuscon at Solar Culture
May 14: Los Angeles at Spaceland
May 15: off
May 16: SF at Hemlock Tavern

The first “Imaginational Anthem Tour,” named for the acclaimed acoustic guitar anthology series from Tompkins Square, will begin June 3 in Brooklyn, New York. The tour features Sharron Kraus and James Blackshaw (who are both featured on the forthcoming Imaginational Anthem Volume 2), plus Sean Smith on West Coast dates and Jesse Sparhawk on East Coast dates. Here is their current itinerary, with additional dates to be announced…

June 3: Brooklyn NY at Soundfix
June 3: Brooklyn NY at Brooklyn Fireproof
June 4: Philadelphia at Khyber Pass
June 5: New York City at Tonic
June 6: Seattle WA at The Tractor
June 7: Portland OR at Towne Lounge
June 8: Ashland OR at Mobius
June 9: Davis CA at Delta of Venus
June 10: San Francisco CA at Adobe Books
June 10: San Francisco CA at Hemlock Tavern
June 11: Big Sur CA at Fernwood Resort
June 12: Monterey CA at Outer Edge Studio
June 13: Los Angeles CA at The Echo
June 14: Long Beach CA at Fingerprints
June 17: Montague MA at Bookmill
June 18: Somerville MA at PA’s Lounge
June 19: Burlington VT at Box
June 20: Portland ME at TBA
June 22: Edgartown MA at Aboveground Records

Vandals spray slogans and spread paint on N.C. State and UNC-CH structures

Jay Price, Staff Writer
The Raleigh News & Observer, April 27

Vandals staged attacks early Wednesday on the buildings used by the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps at N.C. State University and UNC-Chapel Hill, echoing similar assaults on three Triangle recruiting stations last month.

As before, vandals sprayed anti-war slogans and profanity, splashed red paint and claimed responsibility with a mass e-mail message to area media outlets.

Lt. Col. Carol Ann Redfield of the Army ROTC program at N.C. State was caught off guard. “This is the first time I know of that anything like this has happened here,” she said. “I certainly appreciate that people have different opinions, and they should be able to express them, but I have a problem when they damage property.”

The e-mail, from someone calling himself “celest ialbeing” said, “Stop these recruitment centers that target poor people and people of color to fight to maintain the power structure that (literally and figuratively) imprisons us daily.”

The vandals sprayed slogans at the base of an entrance to Reynolds Coliseum, which holds the Department of Military Science, and tossed paint onto an ROTC sign above the entrance.

Investigators had good leads, said Sgt. Jon Barnwell of the N.C. State Police Department.

At UNC-Chapel Hill, campus police spokesman Randy Young said investigators were aware of the e-mail and the link with the attack at N.C. State. “We’re certainly looking into that,” he said. Investigators think the UNC Naval Armory was attacked between 4 and 5:30 a.m.

A student who signs up for ROTC mixes military training with regular classes and can get help with college costs in return for serving as an officer after graduation.

It is not clear whether the attacks were related to incidents in March at recruiting offices in Durham and Raleigh, but the subject line on the e-mail message Wednesday was “more red paint and anti-war.”

The attacks Wednesday were coordinated, but that doesn’t mean they were well-planned.

At UNC, the vandals used spray paint for slogans but chose a 5-gallon bucket of water-soluble red paint to splash the landing, columns and steps. A cleanup crew blasted it off with a pressure washer.

“Thank goodness they used water-based paint,” said Angelo Baldwin, a crew member. The slogans — including “we won’t fight your wars!” — also were removed quickly, but the doors must be repainted.

At N.C. State, the slogan “Army ROTC trains murderers resist acts of war” was sprayed in a place all but invisible to passers-by. The vandals’ arsenal also included another puzzling choice: Christmas tree ornaments, which were apparently tossed at the ROTC sign.

from Arthur Email Bulletin Message No. 0038…

Join Arthur Magazine and The Journal of Aesthetics and Protest for The Echo Park Social(ist) Aid & Pleasure Club every Thursday at
Little Joy public house at 1477 Sunset Blvd. LA , CA 90026
21+
9:30pm to last call
FREE
Don’t think it’s not possible that we will play the forthcoming NEIL YOUNG anti-war/anti-Bush album “LIVING WITH WAR” in its entirety at 10:30pm tonight (April 27).

http://livingwithwar.blogspot.com/

Let’s impeach the president for lying
And leading our country into war
Abusing all the power that we gave him
And shipping all our money out the door
He’s the man who hired all the criminals
The White House shadows who hide behind closed doors
And bend the facts to fit with their new stories
Of why we have to send our men to war

Let’s impeach the president for spying
On citizens inside their own homes
Breaking every law in the country
By tapping our computers and telephones
What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees
Would New Orleans have been safer that way
Sheltered by our government’s protection
Or was someone just not home that day?

Let’s impeach the president
For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected
Thank god he’s racking down on steroids
Since he sold his old baseball team
There’s lot of people looking at big trouble
But of course the president is clean
Thank God

from the AFSC…

Trainings and Workshops
In our training workshops, we aim to build the capacity of young people and those who work with young people to address military enlistment issues within their own communities. More >

American Cinematheque

Sunday, May 14 – 6:30 PM

REPRISE
1997
195 min.
Dir. HervÈ Le Roux.

One of the monuments of contemporary documentary cinema ó and not only in France, REPRISE offers a provocative re-evaluation of the tumultuous and by now mythical events in May of 1968 and their aftermath. On June 10, 1968, students from the Parisian film school, IDHEC recorded the end of the strike at the Wonder Factory in Saint-Ouen. A young woman worker refused to go back to work. After director HervÈ le Roux saw a photograph of her in Cahiers du CinÈma he began a long search for this “heroine,” a search that charts the changes in French radical politics over the past 30 years.

“When we set up contacts with everyone in summer 1995, explaining our intentions, most people including the unionists asked, ëWe would like to contribute but who would ever be interested in these old stories?í I didnít want to make an antiquated or a nostalgic film. 20-year-olds consider it a historical film. It describes a vanished world: large industrial companies in left-wing suburbs, a kind of company culture, a sense of belonging which has disappeared and been replaced with insecurity, the fear of the loss of jobs. And yet, despite predictions by officials about the workersí situation, it remains basically unchanged, the way others predict the death of cinema.” ñ HervÈ Le Roux