My Neighbour Has a New Girlfriend

poem by Valerie Webber

My Neighbour Has a New Girlfriend

My neighbour has a new girlfriend.
I hear her little kitten moans
through the runway thin wall.
It sounds like they’re birthing a small barnyard animal.

My partner and I reflect
on how irksome he must have found us
these past few celibate years
And how surprised we are
that the only passive aggressive mail slot note we ever got
was after that awkward 4some
that lasted ‘til 8 am.

So needless to say,
we’re trying to be reasonable.

And through the muffled *hmphs*
and off beat bed springs
I’m at once saddened and joyed
by having peeping privy
to the sounds of new lust just as they’re exhaled.

And I wonder if they stare at each other
during pillow talk, eyes flitting,
or if they spoon, with cooling breath on the neck.
And if they spoon,
is she always the inner spoon,
or do they, like us, take turns.

I wonder if they’ll still find each other
perfectly new
after one has seen the other puke
– a few times.

I can practically feel their enthusiasm,
no matter how vanilla,
through the wall that joins us;
Of discovering each other,
showing off for one another
pre queef humility.
Hitting a hundred firsts per hour.

And I regret, right now, that I didn’t
go down on my first girlfriend more
or that I don’t exactly remember
the first orgasm I had with Antoine.

Still, tapping in to the neighbour’s
first steps
helps me to retrace my own

every first time that I’ve done them.

Valerie Webber
In her own write: Valerie is a reluctant academic and proud smut peddler. She has lived in Montreal since abandoning her maritime home 7 years ago. When not writing she alphabetizes her cd collection, chews the skin around her fingernails, and shamelessly indulges in legal drama television. She generally shares too much information concerning genitals, her own or otherwise. Previous work includes thin little arms build castles (big baby books) and lignin diadem with Genevieve Dellinger (big baby books, rain ridge press & glasseye books co-publication ).