“Do the Math” column by Dave Reeves
originally published in Arthur Magazine No. 22 (May 02006)

Close the Borders

Masses teem at the border demanding to be exploited. The Christian nature of America obliges us to take our “border brothers” in after running them through a rigorous desert obstacle course to cull out the weak. The surviving braceros go on to make up the disenfranchised worker caste which the civil rights movement strove so hard to eradicate. “We shall overcome” has been overwhelmed.

Big business loves undocumented Latinos. They take less pay to work harder at jobs that black people won’t do, they can’t vote, and believe in a book which was written to comfort slaves called “the Bible.”

Sense dictates that burgeoning populations should be checked with birth control, but the Bible won’t allow it. Companies no longer pay well or offer benefits because the Bible says that believers must have unprotected sex, pick up serpents and speak in tongues. God has (intelligently) designed a situation where his true believers hope to be conscripted for a pittance into a foreign and hostile country.

Latinos leave their homeland because their country’s infrastructure is undeveloped due to the fact that a majority of their nation’s business is off the books. Mexican drug trade rakes in between 27 and 32 billion dollars a year, while the national oil industry, Pemex, brings in only 7 to 8 billion. Pemex tax pays for El Presidente and his entourage. Untaxed drug profits manifest into typical cheap money detritus: flashy cars, shitty bars and corpses in Tijuana wearing Dolce and Gabbana.

This vast economy of underground drug money sustains a system so corrupt that only a revolution can wipe it away. But the Great Overdue Mexican Revolution is deferred with every Mexican who flees to America to wash dishes.

According to CISEN (Centro de Investigation y Seguridad National) if the drug trade were to stop then the Mexican economy would shrink by 63 percent. If patriotic Americans would stop doing drugs for just one week, we could ruin the Mexican economy enough to get those wetbacks right where we want them: building us a 700-mile long, 100-foot tall Wall of Freedom. Think about it, America: a week without drugs and we could get the border sealed off that very weekend using those guys loitering around in front of the Home Depot.