Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise

The Idol of Perversity by Jean Delville (1891).

Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise

The Lesbian Death Angels, concerned that Rev. Falwell’s followers will misattribute the cause of their leader’s demise to their antigod or to some weenie group like Soulforce, have announced that, in a mass worldwide action, they hexed at 10:30 am today and that the subject of their hex was the Rev. Jerry Falwell. In other words, they are claiming to be responsible for Jerry’s death and wish the world to know that they are proud of it to boot.

“Falwell earned being hexed well into his next life with his post-9/11 comments on that event’s cause made in a conversation with fellow telehatemonger Pat Robertson on Robertson’s 700 Club broadcast”, noted collective member Connie L. Ingus. “Too often when tyrants die — particularly spiritual ones — their past is glossed over into sweetness and light that doesn’t begin to resemble the truth of what they did. Frankly, a heart attack hex was too nice. We should’ve added an addendum to make him come back as an innocent Muslim imam who gets ratted out by a rival faction and ends up in the U.S. rendition program, never to see the light of day again — either that or as an out gay youth in Iran.”

The LDA is the international body of pro-choice radical lesbians who meet in secret and not-so-secret cells, covens, and as individual practitioners each Tuesday morning to try to set the world back on its axis one hex at a time. Previous targets have included rapists who found themselves strangely compelled to walk into police stations and turn themselves in and others. This is one of the few successful hexes they have publicly taken credit for.

“Proselytizing is usually so rude”, said Ms. Ingus. “Under normal circumstances, we’re content just with the effects of our work. Lesbians who are meant to find us simply will. The Goddess is powerful enough to get that job done without our help.”

The LDA feels no compunctions about the pain this announcement might cause the Reverend’s family, as the Falwells have benefited from and participated in their patriarch’s long campaign of hate without so much as a public hint of guilt for all the pain and death they have contributed to.

The LDA is still contemplating their next target for early karmic justice. The list of potentials is long. They wish to thank the Goddess for her swift response today.

0 thoughts on “Lesbians Claim Credit For Falwell Demise

  1. On an interesting note, I find it strange that the current administration finds fundamentalist Christians to be considered a threat to our national security when the Lesbian Death Angels boldly make a (false) claim that they are singularly responsible for the death of Rev. Jerry Fallwell. If they even had that much power, shouldn’t they be the ones considered as a threat to our national security?

    Oddly enough, however, barring murder, suicide and accidental death involving some bloke who is stoned out of his mind, only God determines when a person is born and when they die.

    Lastly, it’s not the lesbians, nor the gays that I’m opposed to, but their homosexual behavior, especially when they force their opinions and behavior on others. This is the most intolerant of attitudes and comes from within, yet they are really not aware of where this animosity comes from. There is an evil spirit that uses their claim to slip in and out of their lives (yes like a snake) and that spirit is our enemy, not the person.

    “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and the rulers of darkness in heavenly places.”

  2. Hello David. Speaking as one of the evil-infested gays and lesbians, it’s always gratifying to hear how much of a threat we are to the poor put-upon straight world. For people in the many African or Middle Eastern countries where one can be jailed or executed for merely loving the wrong person it must be a small consolation that their demon-haunted natures cause the murderous majority to quail in fear.

    Not all people think the way you do, of course, or would have agreed with the wretched Falwell. Here’s Archbishop Desmond Tutu speaking in 2007:

    “Our world is facing problems – poverty, HIV and AIDS – a devastating pandemic, and conflict…In the face of all of that, our Church, especially the Anglican Church, at this time is almost obsessed with questions of human sexuality…God must be weeping looking at some of the atrocities that we commit against one another.”

    Lastly, and it really shouldn’t need pointing out, you seem to have missed the humorous side of the pronouncement by the Lesbian Death Angels. A waspish sense of humour is something gay people often have to cultivate to help deal with serious and continuing oppression of the gay-bashing variety. If you’re feeling so oppressed yourself, especially when we’re forcing our opinions and behaviour on you, then perhaps you have something yet to learn from the Daughters of Sappho.

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