“In the year 3000 on a far off star, some aliens had a party in a nasty little bar. The DJ was a Klingon, unfonky to the max, so they called on ROGER for some BAD ASS TRACKS !” Welcome to Roger’s MySpace…
Biography: The Rogerlution Will Not Be Televised: Roger
And So..After years of watching the fonkless frenzy of the un-rock Unhumanoids, Roger decided it was time to come down from the Kingdom Of Roger, And so begins one of the greatest stories never told. Bigger, Badder and More Violent than the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, Rogers “This Is The Sh*t” is finally here. Its the opening statement from a band who’s mission is to bring The Jams to the Un-humanoids using the combined power of Marshall Stacks, Crusty Beats and Fonky Riffs to free the minds of mankind..Formed in the year 3000 near a far off star, the various freaks and fonk lords who make up the ROGER band met when one fateful night when they were abducted by a fleet of Flying V shaped spacecraft and woke up on the mountain of the chosen ones dressed in only loincloths.
The following years saw them perfecting some of the biggest baddest jams ever jammed in the history of anything, and creating The Kingdom Of Roger, a righteous and regal place where fonk and riffs collided, and freaks from every corner of the galaxy convened to dance, party and teach in the ways of righteousness.The Roger band is led by visionary axe man Randy Apostle, universally acclaimed to be the greatest guitar player who ever lived, who played his way out of the Philadelphia slums to join the live circuit and quickly discovered that city of brotherly love it ain’t. Before his abduction on that fateful night, Randy was about to settle in the UK county of Berkshire, having decided to skip the drugs, drink, groupies and fame and cut straight to the bit where he opens his own trout farm. Fortunately the gods refused to let this immense talent go to waste, and his true destiny was fulfilled. Joining Randy in the quest to bring the Jamms to the Un-humanoids and adding an extra pattie to the Fonk burger is the aristocratic and stylish Mohammed Ali of bass, Astley Le Jasper. Astley was originally born and raised in the suburbs of Hampshire. A shy and retiring child who’s first words were “Uh! Good God!”. Astley found solace in the depth and simplicity of the bass, and it was on the eve of his tenth birthday, whilst composing his one note concerto for bass & drum with a torch under the covers when he was snatched by the Flying V’s to take his place in the Kingdom Of Roger at Randy’s side.
Thus, one of the most prolific and exciting musical partnerships ever dreamed of was formed. Adding the black cloud to Randy & Astleys Fonk light is J Edgar Hoova. Originally chosen to be the lead vocalist in Roger, but gradually edged out thru the blossoming song writing partnership of Apostle & Le Jasper, J Edgar embraced his position as the Brian Jones of Roger and went on drug fuelled rampage, turning himself into the archetypal ego driven British rock star of old. J Edgar still plays with the Roger band, despite his protestations that Roger should play glammed up stoogerock, and the rest of the band live in fear of his inevitable take over at Roger gigs, where J Edgars band, The Body Removers invade the stage and launch into one of their stoogerock classics. Among the cast of freaks adding spice to the fonkin’ stew are: The Docktor, born and bred in the UK but believing himself to be Swedish, the Docktors skills are many, but he’s never usually allowed near a microphone due to the strange effect it has on him, as displayed in his sole lead vocal performance on This Is The Sh*t’s “Motherfocker”, The General, A thick-necked ex-dwarf responsible for marshalling the joint armed forces of FONK, Special Needs, the supaheavyweight champion of Drumm and Sindy X, backing vocalist extraordinaire.
The first fruits of the bands labour is This Is The Sh*t,released on Julian Cope’s Head Heritage label, and compiled from the twenty tracks recorded one afternoon in the Kingdom of Roger. Featuring nine incredible tracks, ranging from the operatic groove alliegence of Overture via the 12 minute dirge fonk of Ramm It Home the glorious party vibes of Fonk Hammer, Roger Loves U and Hot Fudge and the apocalyptic fonk Opera of Fonk Wars, It is truly a landmark album. The world domination of Roger will continue with forthcoming live dates planned, and sessions for the bands second album Backing Off Is For The Other Band. Its the dawning of a new age – prepare to be royally fonked
JUNE 1, 2005
A New Dawn
AND SO I awoke blind, naked, bleeding and Flying V-less. I spent days crawling through the gutters and back alleys of the streets of the city I managed to identify by the chimes of Big Ben as London, England. I begged at record shop after record shop for shelter only to be rejected time and time again and after seven days and seven nights was finally be taken in by a strangely stuck on looking goatee bearded kindly vinyl shop keeper clad entirely in black, who explained that a great evil in the form of a new Jamiroquai album had taken hold of the world. In a hushed voice he explained a small glimmer of hope did exist…
The shopkeeper went to his basement and retrieved a dusty package wrapped in rags with a single faded label on which in my own barely legible handwriting was written; îFunk Defensor, This Is Thy Badass Weaponî. In this package was a gleaming white Parker Fly, and an ancient manuscript on which a prophesy had been written that a large-hatted devil would appear in the night like a rubber-legged pied piper of Hamlyn and steal the Roger band from the Kingdom Of Roger and enslave them into non-fonky activities so that he may reign supreme for 1000 years. It was at this point I realised the terrible truth..I had been cast out of the Garden Of Fonk.
AND SO it was written that I must alone work tirelessly on a new LP so booty shakingly fonky and badass that the righteous balance shall be restored and the members of Roger shall be freed from the evil spell that they have been placed under. This album shall be called ìRandy Apostleís Apocalyptic Visionsî and it shall be FONKY.
Fear Not, Dear Unhumanoids. The Fonk is with you.
JULY 1, 2005 UPDATE
Wham Bam Studio Tan Tan
Ahh…Summerís here dear Unhumanoids, and as everyone knows itís time to work on yer studio tan, alienate your friends and generally miss the entire experience, only to look back dazed & confused at the fruit of your fonkly loins around Christmas time after several delays at an Eastern European pressing plant..No matter ñ itís all paying off – Apocalyptic Visions is sounding BADASS, 5 yes 5 tracks are now mixed for the new RÿGER album, and just this week Iíve been gettingí paranormal in the West Country working with Julian on ìDark Orgasmî – and even played a teeny, tiny bit of fonk geetar which youíll hear on a hidden track on side 6. Maybe ?
J Edgar brought his NEW Body Removers into the studio; fer those off ya who DONíT KNOW, the ìonce & future king of rock & rollî has recruited Tito Apostle and Naste Le Jasper as his new henchpeoples and those boys are deeply UNFONKY !! Also, his best pals John Leslie and Uri Gellar dropped by with a bevvy of bimbos, spilled mystery substances on the damn mixiní desk, talked jibber jabber to alien beings and generally snarled ní drooled like ex celebs gone bad done do.
As a result of yet more painful vault trawling of the by now mythical ìWherever…î tapes (at 140db), it looks like the ever popular crowd pleasers (so J Edgar tells me) ìIím Going To Hellî and ìRelease The Houndsî will be on the record WHENEVER it finally arrives…on that and ALL related whenís-the-record-out-mofo type questions – I donít know when itís dropping..things are takiní forever round here. Luckily, technically weíve GOT forever seeiní as normal time/space whatnots do not apply in the Kingdom ! Unggh !
Lastly, at the insistence of THE KIDS thereís a RÿGER myspace up at MYSPACE where thereís some streaminí goodies..including something u may not have heard before ñ whoah ! check it out & say hello, mothersuckas !
AUGUST 19, 2005 UPDATE
What’s In The Bag, B*tch ?
Not much work has been happening on the new ROGER albums, Iím afraid due to other commitments, namely working on other peopleís shit to earn a living now I’ve been cast out of the Kingdom Of Roger n’ all..Now by shit, dear Unhumanoids, I donít mean shit..I mean shiiiit ñ you guys like these peoples shiiiit, trust me – even if they ainít ROGER and it gots ta be done ! And when itís done, it shall be done as they say. Apart from my new regime of training underwater going very well (unlike, despite photographic evidence – Mohammed Ali, who couldnít actually swim but was himself quite badass on fuzzbass ) the other good news is that after the recent mildly successful G8 summit, the Roger F8 summit also began – ensconced in a London watering hole, dodging random bus shrapnel and using a secure channel on the rogerphone unbeknownst to The Rubber Legged Large Hatted One we sorted out a few things which have been holding up progress/the unshackling of the rest of The Roger Band from their unfonky bonds. Sheesh… Now – some folks REALLY need to get the FONK in their asses and cut that kind of crazy bombing shit out ! Now, all you Unhumanoids know Roger is a non-denominational Kool-Aid free kinda do your own thing thang and weíve got enough with Georgie Porgie riding his donkey into the sunset all guns blazing.. Yíall remember we will deliver Five Shots Of Fonk To Your Body Mass and will be cominí right back atcha with a brand new topical Roger Jam entitled ìWhatís In The Bag, Bitch ?î no doubt soon to become a firm, uhh… ìunderground favouriteî with commuters of a fonkier disposition AS SOON AS WE CAN !! Sorry ñ back to the normal programme.. We may well begin rehearsals for the Paard Van Troye show soon if we get a (jail)break, and maybe see some of you there, otherwise people will be utterly freaked out as we destroy all in our path with the power of fonk and have no friends there to see it !
October 12, 2005 UPDATE:
U Wanted It U Got It
Hey hey hey! What! Astley Le Jasper here, hip aristocat and purveyor of general good taste. I’m more excited than Kate Moss on a flight to Colombia at the moment and you know why? It’s cos the ROGER band have been in rehearsals so we can bring you groovy people the long overdue ROGER live experience, and let me tell you it’s starting to sound BADASS!!
We’ve been layin’ down and kickin’ out some serious jams in a secret London location and we’re all buzzin! By the time we play in the new year we will be ready to tear the roof of the sucka I’m sure. We’ve been playing about half of ‘This Is The Shit’ as well as lots of tasty new treats for you including ‘Nasty Dogg’, ‘Rawwer Than Raww’, ‘This Is Serious’, ‘Bring The Badboy Bass’ and J. Edgars Detroit headfuck opus’s ‘Take Your Dead Ass Home’ & ‘D.F.W.R’, all of which will be featuring on the new album.
Randy, Farnsworth & Mr G-Lover are playin’ and singing their asses off, even J. Edgar managed a smile before punching Farnsworth and smashing up one of my basses. It will be the biggest, baddest party ever, and I cannot WAIT to play for you.
More updates on live and the new album very shortly, but until then, stay beautiful. ROGER LOVES YOU!
BACKING OFF IS FOR THE OTHER BAND
Attention Unhumanoids ! There’s news and there’s news..and then there’s NEWS ! The long awaited follow-up LP to ROGER’s “This Is The Sh*t” has finally obtained clearance to land on planet earth, bypass the air defences and set the the sub-bass safety switch to UNSAFE before dropping 12 new fonk bombs on u-know-who…
The new album, entitled “Backing Off Is For The Other Band” is being mastered RIGHT NOW on your planet in a obscure yet picturesque country called “Wales.” An hour-long epic which picks up right where we left off..the year 2020. Catchier than bird-flu, the record contains never-before heard future-fonk jams such as “Rawer Than Raw”… reworkings of classic lost space disco stompers such as “This Is Serious” …to positively terrifying 10 minute fuzz bass solos proving that indeed – BACKING OFF IS FOR THE OTHER BAND !